My wife is still dead

In two days, it will be three years since my soul mate died. The date was September 14, 2004; Tuesday at around 1:15 PM she was “declared” brain dead but the head of neurology at one of the best hospitals in St. Louis.

He was a total asshole, treated her like a piece of meat. Dead meat, what a fucker. She was my beloved wife you sorry excuse for a human being, try showing some compassion.

Back to reality, she had her heart attack on Friday September 10, 2004, declared dead on Tuesday September 14, 2004. Now three years later, the date of her death falls on Friday and Friday evenings are hard for me because she fell ill on a Friday afternoon/evening when she should have been coming home to me for a weekend of our usual junk.

She is still dead and I am still alive and my “divorce from hell” was a “cakewalk” compared to losing my Carol. I think this year is even harder than last year, just reality biting me in the ass. I am torn between Carol and my new lover.

I love them both, different yet conflicted. I will always love Carol but I love Alicia with all my heart. She is such an awesome person, yet she is up to her eyeballs in grief. She is moving far, far away to be with her family and I “get that” yet I am not sure what that means for “US” and I want there to be an “US”. Big sigh.

That is my rambling for tonight. I hope it all works out but please pray for Alicia and her boys and her mother and her sister….and and and ….

Ron