It is 5 am and the rain woke me up. Carol loved hearing the rain hitting the skylights in our bedroom. She loved the sunshine, rain, snow........it really didn't matter to her what the weather was doing, she enjoyed living.
I sit her missing her and wonder why God is putting me through this Hell called being a widower and I realize that there are so many others in the same boat. The rain hits me again and again, I want it to stop because it reminds me of what I have lost.....my dear wife who loved the sound of the rain. I know I am not alone here, I read other's thoughts on the YWBB and widow blogs and I am once again reminded that I am not special ,yet I want that status.
I want to feel loved again. I want to be held again, I know I can be loved again. Love comes with a price but still we crave it and I have loved after Carol and I have no regrets. I fell in love with a widow after Carol died and I really loved that lady but it didn't work out, lots of reasons but she still holds a special place in my heart, Yes Alicia I will always love you.
I do feel loved by "Q", not ready to reveal who she is but I am sure she feels the same. Back to bed, the rain stopped. I still miss Carol.
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2 comments:
Yes "Q" does feel the same.
I am sorry you are having such a hard time right now.
We all miss the simple things.
You are such a sweet kind caring man and you feel with your whole heart that's why you are so special. I hope this makes you feel a little better "Q" cares alot.
Ron....It looks that you have finally started grieving the life you had...but with grieving, hurting comes healing. I wish you continued healing..as you carve out a new life for yourself.
Anja
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