A song about my mother's neighbor

Blowin' off more steam

Awake early again, trying to blow off some steam. I am sick of people trying to get a free ride off of others. I hope when I get to my mother's house later today that her SCUMBAG neighbor is not home because I might just kick his sorry ass.

Instincts always seem correct, I didn't like him from day one and it proved right. I just need to set him straight. I shouldn't be put in this position but I cannot stand around while he takes advantage of my mother. I will do what must be done.

Back to blowin' off some steam........



BTW, Anyone remember this group or song? Nevermind, guess I am getting old, LOL. Name that group and song. Let me make it even harder, name that truck, doubt anyone can but go ahead, the insignia is in the video (OK,OK not fair because I used to work on those Gawdam monsters) Ugh, I hated trucks and their flat tires.

Sorry to be short but.........

As promised I am following up:

1) I miss Jennifer, enough to make me sad and pissy.
2) My stepson only calls for money, last time I looked my forehead did not say "The Bank of Ron", sorry but I am out of that business Nick.
3) I need to help my mother, her "helpful" neighbor is taking advantage of her.

I would and could say much more but I cannot or will not.

Ron

Strange Weekend

I am pondering my weekend with mixed emotions, overall wonderful but with a couple catches. I will write about the entire thing later but for now I need to listen to some LOUD music from my college days and think about it all.
Namely:

1) I had a wonderful weekend with Jennifer.
2) I received yet another demand for cash from my stepsons.
3) My mother was taken advantage of by one of her "douche bag" neighbors.



More later when I verbalize my emotions and decide what to do.

One of my last good memories of Carol

I guess this is turning into a video blog but who cares? I recall holding Carol's hand while this song played on the radio in her new "kick ass" SUV that I bought her...oh how I wish we could have that again.



I really miss that sassy woman!!!

Almost 4 years later, I have my hands full!!!

Bad Dreams...........

For the past few weeks I have been having nightmares.....waking between 2 am and 4 am and I am just weak and tired. They never make sence, and I cannot recall detail once wide awake.

I try to go back to sleep but in the end I am just exhausted!!!



Sandman............PLEASE GO AWAY!!!!! No wonder I sleep with a 9MM, yet you cannot shoot and kill things in your head. I hate bad dreams, time to load the shotgun I guess.

And more music, this kicks ass!!!!

'nuff said



JENNIFER!!! You know exactly what that means.

Just enjoying music these days

Not much to say, just enjoying the warm weather and good music



Life can still be good even after losing my dear Carol.

Changes.................

Changes…………widowhood changes us. We all know it but we all move through it differently. I am not the same person I was when Carol died. I have been to Hell and back since she died but I survived and today I can laugh, cry, remember her, cherish her and not feel bad about feeling good about my “new life”.
I know Carol would want me to be happy, and I am trying to do just that. That is what I would want for her if I had died.

The last few months more changes, more changes, I hate change but this is different. Changes that I can handle from day to day. Just tiny little things such as better weather, less stress, more music, spring blossoms, new friends, letting go of certain things in my life and a new person that can put up with the likes of me, Prayers answered?

I have a new female in my life, her name is Jennifer and she makes me laugh more than ever since Carol died and that is a change I like. Remember I hate change but I need to roll with this……it is different. She is a very special, a caring Lady that somehow “gets” me, and for that I am grateful.

So, my point is change is not always bad (other than losing our spouse) but for now I will enjoy this new change in my life……



There it is, it for the whole world to see but especially for you Jennifer.

Stupid lawnmower!!!

I posted the following on the YWBB:

"Yesterday, I rolled out the riding mower that we bought right after we got married and engage the mowing deck and SNAP the belt breaks. I put it back in the garage and go in search of the owner’s manual. I determined that trying to fix it myself was out of the question.

I look at the receipt, and a flood of emotions rolls out. I could see Carol driving the stupid thing around the yard and court with glee, she wouldn’t mow but she sure enjoyed driving the damned thing. Now the mower is in the shop and if I am lucky I will get back in (drum roll) a month.

The grief or just the memories really choked me up, she died almost four years ago and silly things can still kick me in gut.

Stupid lawn mower did it this time."

GRIEF SUCKS

Only a gay man would act like this........

I love the Rolling Stones but Mick Jagger must be gay........



Ya think? Sorry Mick the tights just don't work for me and what is up with the "fake package"? I bet your groupies are shocked when they see the needle.

I got tagged by Lisa so here goes..............

What I was doing 10 years ago – 1998
1) Proposed to Carol in May
2) Married Carol on October, 10
3) Went to court because my ex wanted more $$$$
4) Bought another rental property
5) Had a wonderful "first" Christmas with Carol and the boys


Five things on my to-do list today
1)Make said to-do list, LOL
2) Called my Doctor
3) Loaded and actually ran the dishwasher
4) Laundry
5)Checked on my mother
****Did all of them, BTW

Snacks I enjoy
1) Popcorn
2) Peanuts
3) Smoked Almonds
4) Chips and Salsa
5) Pie (not telling what kind though)

Things I would do if I were a billionaire
1) Buy a few fast (make that really fast) cars
2) Tell Bill Gates to shove Windows up his ass (would offer to help)
3) Would "set my mother up for life"
4) Sponsor the "MOTHER OF ALL BAGOS", everyone invited
5) Start a scholarship in Carol’s name for kids of widows and widowers

Five of my bad habits
1) I eat way too much junk food
2) I crash too many R/C Airplanes
3) Did I mention I eat way too much junk food?
4) I still smoke, GRRRRRRRRRRR
5) I drive like a maniac and just had to pay for a speeding ticket

Five places I have lived
1) California
2) Kansas
3) Iowa
4) Florida
5) Missouri

Five jobs I've had
1) Mechanic (in high school)
2) Body shop worker (in college)
3) Restaurant manager (first job out of college)
4) A ton of jobs for Fortune 500 Food Company
5) Landlord

Five people I taggeed:
1) Anniegirl
2) Rob
3) Chris (I would have done Nancy but I think she was already marked)
4) Laurazoo
5) Kurt

Time marches on!!!!

Not sleeping well again, not sure why, is it grief? Wish I knew, I wake up wondering lately. I wonder and try to figure it out. When Carol first died, I found myself sleepless often but always found someone to chat with even in the wee hours of the night.

Those people are gone from my life and I wish them the best, perhaps their grief has past. I sometimes wonder why people whom comforted us after our loss just go away, but they do. Many of the people that helped me through my early grief have just gone from my life. I grieve losing them; they really helped me through my darkest hours.

This time last year I was meeting my former SO in the place we first met, just about halfway geographically at the time. Memories I will never forget…..all good memories.

Fast forward to today, that is gone and I have a new SO, I love her and am hopeful for a future with her. We laugh, we cry, mostly we laugh, she is wonderful. My biggest concern is that while I am going to hit four years soon, she is a bit behind me time wise in her grief. I just think time will tell….but as widowed I think we are all hopeful….I am hopefull.

Ron

Spring "to do" list

Spring is here; nice thunderstorm at 3 am kept me awake. Ron is going to need a nap and what a perfect day for one, misty rainy yucky outside. I need to make a “to do” list for spring:

--- Change oil and rotate tires on my truck
--- Wash my truck and get winter salt off
--- Change oil and install new belts on riding mower
--- Buy fresh fuel for mowers, trimmer, leaf blower
--- Fix the chain saw so I can…..
--- Trim Carol’s “AWFUL” plants behind the deck (secretly still hoping it will kill the damned things)
--- Drain the hot tub and refill with fresh water UGH!!
--- Clean and organize the garage AGAIN!!!
--- Probably mow next weekend
--- Go flying, or crash another plane

I really do love spring

For our brave soldiers......may you kick ass and take names

A video dedicated to our brave soldiers, kick ass and take names or just kick some ass guys. My son will soon be deployed and I pray for his safety.......so for all our troops. This vid is for your

Happy Easter

I wanted to wish anyone that stops by Happy Easter!

I enjoyed spending the day with my mother. We talked about Carol and much we miss her, Mom wanted to visit her grave in spite of the cold and rain so I took her and she just lost it. I think she needed a good cry. I am worried about my Mom’s health, she is almost 73 and has a number of health issues. She is always tired and insists she won’t be around much longer. I just wonder if there is "something" she is not telling me and I worry.

I wish I could have spent the day with my Sweetie, but she went to her sister’s for a family gathering there. Maybe next year

Feel free to add me to your blog, and let me know if you would like me to add your blog

If you want to add me to you blog....feel free. If you want me to add you to mine, leave a comment with a link and I will add you to mine. I enjoy so many blogs and have learned much from so many. Below is what I posted on the YWBB.
---------------------------------
To fellow widow/widower bloggers, I read and “lurk” on many blogs. I would like to add links from my blog to other widow blogs but will not do that without permission of the blog owners.

If you wish (or don’t mind me adding) a link to your blog, either post a link here or send me a PM. For those of you that want to add a link to mine, feel free. I find the collective of our thoughts comforting and many of us post thoughts that either do not belong on the YWBB or we hesitate to post there.

If you want me to add a link to your blog, either post a link here or PM.

Ron

More of my sick and twisted humor

You will either love or hate this video. If you love it, you have joined the ranks of the sick and twisted and if not, go read a boring blog (J/K).

My new toy

I doubt this will interest most but I love flying remote control airplanes. I seem to crash more than I fly but I still love the hobby. I recently bought a new plane but the damned thing has a "glitch", cheap electronics, I had to exchange the first two and the third proved equally inferior with "glitching".

"glitching" means that the receiver on the plane picks up interference that causes problems controlling the plane, thus it jumps around. The company that builds the models denies that a problem exists but just put the bird in the air and watch it “glitch”. No big deal if you have enough altitude but upon landing or low altitude fun you risk a crash.

I finally installed new electronics, 2.4 Spektrum to be exact. A damned computer system!!!!! Still have not figured it all out yet but it worked better than the cheap crap that comes with the plane “out of the box”

Anyway, here is a cool video of someone flying the same plane, I love this model. Very cool for a cheap toy.

3 1/2 years ago today.

Three and a half years ago today, the love of my life died. It is hard to believe it is possible that much time has passed and I am still standing. She was the woman I planned to grow old with. I will grow old (however long that is) with fond memories of her though. I will always love you Carol.

It is hard to believe just how much has changed since she died. I had a relationship that lasted over two years. Ultimately that ended but it was comforting at the time and I have no regrets. It showed me that I could love and be loved again. I learned many things about grief and myself (some good, some not so much) but I am sure Carol would have approved.

I am now in a second relationship since Carol’s death and I have no clue where it will go but it feels right and I am sure Carol would approve.

One thing I know for sure is that Carol is with me always, right here in my heart. I love you Carol.