Still a struggle but I will WIN

I am winning, the cigs are losing. It is a hard battle as the person I want to support is gone. I want so much to connect there but cannot.

Just a loss I have no control over. A loss I wish could have been prevented but out of my hands now. I am to blame but still it hurts, I miss her so much. I can do this without her, I survived Carol's death without her and I will do this alone and come out winning.

I think I found a gym that is right for me, just want my doc to sign off on it before I join. I want my health back, and GD I will get that. I really think that my relationship was not all my fault but that is for another day.

I treated her like a queen in many ways and then not. So it is my fault, but I want to fix me and make sure I never make the same mistakes. I just wish I had not fucked this up but I did and I must live with that. I hope to meet my next queen and not make the same mistakes.

I know I can, I WILL

Ron