Words that would not have rolled off my tongue nearly four years ago, I simply wanted to curl up and die. I have lived and learned so much since September 14, 2004...the day my true love died.
Carol, I will always love you but you were called to Heaven much to early. One day we shall meet again and I have no idea what it will be like but I know it will be much better than the pain and suffering here on Earth. So until then, just know that I love you and miss you but......I must make the best of what is left here for me.
I have a new doggie, her name is Penny. I am certain she was a gift from God. I have a new Lady in my life, her name is Jennifer, I am certain she is also a gift from God.
Life is good.....but I still miss you.
These songs are for Carol, Jennifer and Penny......I love you all!!!
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Monday, May 19, 2008
For Jennifer..............
Not much to say.......will let the music say it for me.......
PS:I LOVE YOU
PS:I LOVE YOU
Thursday, May 15, 2008
This is Friggin' Hysterical!!!
This was e-mailed to me by a person that is almost as demented as me.
This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Benton Arkansas.They hired him because he was so funny.....
NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Old Bastard)
SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available . If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first placeï
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING your last job.: It licked
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment .
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?:Of what
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:I think the more appropriate question here would be 'Do you have a car that runs?'
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no On my breaks - yes!
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb oversexed blonde supermodel with great breasts who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
NEAREST RELATIVE......17 miles
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:Oh yes, absolutely.
This is the greatest application .....what a guy!!! He should live to be a really old fella with that attitude!
This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Benton Arkansas.They hired him because he was so funny.....
NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Old Bastard)
SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available . If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first placeï
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING your last job.: It licked
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment .
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?:Of what
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:I think the more appropriate question here would be 'Do you have a car that runs?'
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no On my breaks - yes!
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb oversexed blonde supermodel with great breasts who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
NEAREST RELATIVE......17 miles
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:Oh yes, absolutely.
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
Another sleepless night
More strange dreams, this one was vivid and I remember details. I have been awake since 3 am trying to figure out what the hell it means.
I wouldn't call it a nightmare but just weird, how can people from different years in one's life come together into a dream? My ex-wife, my kids, Carol and my stepsons, Jennifer and her kids and my new Dobie (that I will not get until Friday) WTF?
Most nights I seem to sleep just fine but not tonight (this morning), is it being a widower? Is it, is it, is it?
Who knows, but yesterday was a wonderful day and perhaps knowing that the weather today is going to crappy plays. UGH, maybe I can still catch a few winks before sunrise.
Strange, very strange.
I wouldn't call it a nightmare but just weird, how can people from different years in one's life come together into a dream? My ex-wife, my kids, Carol and my stepsons, Jennifer and her kids and my new Dobie (that I will not get until Friday) WTF?
Most nights I seem to sleep just fine but not tonight (this morning), is it being a widower? Is it, is it, is it?
Who knows, but yesterday was a wonderful day and perhaps knowing that the weather today is going to crappy plays. UGH, maybe I can still catch a few winks before sunrise.
Strange, very strange.
Sunday, May 04, 2008
The new Lady in my life.
She is a beautiful four year old Dobie. She recently lost her home and I am adopting her. I should be able to begin being her "dad" in about a week, she needs to be spayed before coming to live with me. Here are some photos of my new lady. Here name is Nicki and I cannot wait to have her living with me.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Monday, April 28, 2008
Blowin' off more steam
Awake early again, trying to blow off some steam. I am sick of people trying to get a free ride off of others. I hope when I get to my mother's house later today that her SCUMBAG neighbor is not home because I might just kick his sorry ass.
Instincts always seem correct, I didn't like him from day one and it proved right. I just need to set him straight. I shouldn't be put in this position but I cannot stand around while he takes advantage of my mother. I will do what must be done.
Back to blowin' off some steam........
BTW, Anyone remember this group or song? Nevermind, guess I am getting old, LOL. Name that group and song. Let me make it even harder, name that truck, doubt anyone can but go ahead, the insignia is in the video (OK,OK not fair because I used to work on those Gawdam monsters) Ugh, I hated trucks and their flat tires.
Instincts always seem correct, I didn't like him from day one and it proved right. I just need to set him straight. I shouldn't be put in this position but I cannot stand around while he takes advantage of my mother. I will do what must be done.
Back to blowin' off some steam........
BTW, Anyone remember this group or song? Nevermind, guess I am getting old, LOL. Name that group and song. Let me make it even harder, name that truck, doubt anyone can but go ahead, the insignia is in the video (OK,OK not fair because I used to work on those Gawdam monsters) Ugh, I hated trucks and their flat tires.
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Sorry to be short but.........
As promised I am following up:
1) I miss Jennifer, enough to make me sad and pissy.
2) My stepson only calls for money, last time I looked my forehead did not say "The Bank of Ron", sorry but I am out of that business Nick.
3) I need to help my mother, her "helpful" neighbor is taking advantage of her.
I would and could say much more but I cannot or will not.
Ron
1) I miss Jennifer, enough to make me sad and pissy.
2) My stepson only calls for money, last time I looked my forehead did not say "The Bank of Ron", sorry but I am out of that business Nick.
3) I need to help my mother, her "helpful" neighbor is taking advantage of her.
I would and could say much more but I cannot or will not.
Ron
Strange Weekend
I am pondering my weekend with mixed emotions, overall wonderful but with a couple catches. I will write about the entire thing later but for now I need to listen to some LOUD music from my college days and think about it all.
Namely:
1) I had a wonderful weekend with Jennifer.
2) I received yet another demand for cash from my stepsons.
3) My mother was taken advantage of by one of her "douche bag" neighbors.
More later when I verbalize my emotions and decide what to do.
Namely:
1) I had a wonderful weekend with Jennifer.
2) I received yet another demand for cash from my stepsons.
3) My mother was taken advantage of by one of her "douche bag" neighbors.
More later when I verbalize my emotions and decide what to do.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
One of my last good memories of Carol
I guess this is turning into a video blog but who cares? I recall holding Carol's hand while this song played on the radio in her new "kick ass" SUV that I bought her...oh how I wish we could have that again.
I really miss that sassy woman!!!
Almost 4 years later, I have my hands full!!!
I really miss that sassy woman!!!
Almost 4 years later, I have my hands full!!!
Bad Dreams...........
For the past few weeks I have been having nightmares.....waking between 2 am and 4 am and I am just weak and tired. They never make sence, and I cannot recall detail once wide awake.
I try to go back to sleep but in the end I am just exhausted!!!
Sandman............PLEASE GO AWAY!!!!! No wonder I sleep with a 9MM, yet you cannot shoot and kill things in your head. I hate bad dreams, time to load the shotgun I guess.
I try to go back to sleep but in the end I am just exhausted!!!
Sandman............PLEASE GO AWAY!!!!! No wonder I sleep with a 9MM, yet you cannot shoot and kill things in your head. I hate bad dreams, time to load the shotgun I guess.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Just enjoying music these days
Not much to say, just enjoying the warm weather and good music
Life can still be good even after losing my dear Carol.
Life can still be good even after losing my dear Carol.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Changes.................
Changes…………widowhood changes us. We all know it but we all move through it differently. I am not the same person I was when Carol died. I have been to Hell and back since she died but I survived and today I can laugh, cry, remember her, cherish her and not feel bad about feeling good about my “new life”.
I know Carol would want me to be happy, and I am trying to do just that. That is what I would want for her if I had died.
The last few months more changes, more changes, I hate change but this is different. Changes that I can handle from day to day. Just tiny little things such as better weather, less stress, more music, spring blossoms, new friends, letting go of certain things in my life and a new person that can put up with the likes of me, Prayers answered?
I have a new female in my life, her name is Jennifer and she makes me laugh more than ever since Carol died and that is a change I like. Remember I hate change but I need to roll with this……it is different. She is a very special, a caring Lady that somehow “gets” me, and for that I am grateful.
So, my point is change is not always bad (other than losing our spouse) but for now I will enjoy this new change in my life……
There it is, it for the whole world to see but especially for you Jennifer.
I know Carol would want me to be happy, and I am trying to do just that. That is what I would want for her if I had died.
The last few months more changes, more changes, I hate change but this is different. Changes that I can handle from day to day. Just tiny little things such as better weather, less stress, more music, spring blossoms, new friends, letting go of certain things in my life and a new person that can put up with the likes of me, Prayers answered?
I have a new female in my life, her name is Jennifer and she makes me laugh more than ever since Carol died and that is a change I like. Remember I hate change but I need to roll with this……it is different. She is a very special, a caring Lady that somehow “gets” me, and for that I am grateful.
So, my point is change is not always bad (other than losing our spouse) but for now I will enjoy this new change in my life……
There it is, it for the whole world to see but especially for you Jennifer.
Monday, April 07, 2008
Stupid lawnmower!!!
I posted the following on the YWBB:
"Yesterday, I rolled out the riding mower that we bought right after we got married and engage the mowing deck and SNAP the belt breaks. I put it back in the garage and go in search of the owner’s manual. I determined that trying to fix it myself was out of the question.
I look at the receipt, and a flood of emotions rolls out. I could see Carol driving the stupid thing around the yard and court with glee, she wouldn’t mow but she sure enjoyed driving the damned thing. Now the mower is in the shop and if I am lucky I will get back in (drum roll) a month.
The grief or just the memories really choked me up, she died almost four years ago and silly things can still kick me in gut.
Stupid lawn mower did it this time."
GRIEF SUCKS
"Yesterday, I rolled out the riding mower that we bought right after we got married and engage the mowing deck and SNAP the belt breaks. I put it back in the garage and go in search of the owner’s manual. I determined that trying to fix it myself was out of the question.
I look at the receipt, and a flood of emotions rolls out. I could see Carol driving the stupid thing around the yard and court with glee, she wouldn’t mow but she sure enjoyed driving the damned thing. Now the mower is in the shop and if I am lucky I will get back in (drum roll) a month.
The grief or just the memories really choked me up, she died almost four years ago and silly things can still kick me in gut.
Stupid lawn mower did it this time."
GRIEF SUCKS
Saturday, April 05, 2008
Only a gay man would act like this........
I love the Rolling Stones but Mick Jagger must be gay........
Ya think? Sorry Mick the tights just don't work for me and what is up with the "fake package"? I bet your groupies are shocked when they see the needle.
Ya think? Sorry Mick the tights just don't work for me and what is up with the "fake package"? I bet your groupies are shocked when they see the needle.
Thursday, April 03, 2008
I got tagged by Lisa so here goes..............
What I was doing 10 years ago – 1998
1) Proposed to Carol in May
2) Married Carol on October, 10
3) Went to court because my ex wanted more $$$$
4) Bought another rental property
5) Had a wonderful "first" Christmas with Carol and the boys
Five things on my to-do list today
1)Make said to-do list, LOL
2) Called my Doctor
3) Loaded and actually ran the dishwasher
4) Laundry
5)Checked on my mother
****Did all of them, BTW
Snacks I enjoy
1) Popcorn
2) Peanuts
3) Smoked Almonds
4) Chips and Salsa
5) Pie (not telling what kind though)
Things I would do if I were a billionaire
1) Buy a few fast (make that really fast) cars
2) Tell Bill Gates to shove Windows up his ass (would offer to help)
3) Would "set my mother up for life"
4) Sponsor the "MOTHER OF ALL BAGOS", everyone invited
5) Start a scholarship in Carol’s name for kids of widows and widowers
Five of my bad habits
1) I eat way too much junk food
2) I crash too many R/C Airplanes
3) Did I mention I eat way too much junk food?
4) I still smoke, GRRRRRRRRRRR
5) I drive like a maniac and just had to pay for a speeding ticket
Five places I have lived
1) California
2) Kansas
3) Iowa
4) Florida
5) Missouri
Five jobs I've had
1) Mechanic (in high school)
2) Body shop worker (in college)
3) Restaurant manager (first job out of college)
4) A ton of jobs for Fortune 500 Food Company
5) Landlord
Five people I taggeed:
1) Anniegirl
2) Rob
3) Chris (I would have done Nancy but I think she was already marked)
4) Laurazoo
5) Kurt
1) Proposed to Carol in May
2) Married Carol on October, 10
3) Went to court because my ex wanted more $$$$
4) Bought another rental property
5) Had a wonderful "first" Christmas with Carol and the boys
Five things on my to-do list today
1)Make said to-do list, LOL
2) Called my Doctor
3) Loaded and actually ran the dishwasher
4) Laundry
5)Checked on my mother
****Did all of them, BTW
Snacks I enjoy
1) Popcorn
2) Peanuts
3) Smoked Almonds
4) Chips and Salsa
5) Pie (not telling what kind though)
Things I would do if I were a billionaire
1) Buy a few fast (make that really fast) cars
2) Tell Bill Gates to shove Windows up his ass (would offer to help)
3) Would "set my mother up for life"
4) Sponsor the "MOTHER OF ALL BAGOS", everyone invited
5) Start a scholarship in Carol’s name for kids of widows and widowers
Five of my bad habits
1) I eat way too much junk food
2) I crash too many R/C Airplanes
3) Did I mention I eat way too much junk food?
4) I still smoke, GRRRRRRRRRRR
5) I drive like a maniac and just had to pay for a speeding ticket
Five places I have lived
1) California
2) Kansas
3) Iowa
4) Florida
5) Missouri
Five jobs I've had
1) Mechanic (in high school)
2) Body shop worker (in college)
3) Restaurant manager (first job out of college)
4) A ton of jobs for Fortune 500 Food Company
5) Landlord
Five people I taggeed:
1) Anniegirl
2) Rob
3) Chris (I would have done Nancy but I think she was already marked)
4) Laurazoo
5) Kurt
Time marches on!!!!
Not sleeping well again, not sure why, is it grief? Wish I knew, I wake up wondering lately. I wonder and try to figure it out. When Carol first died, I found myself sleepless often but always found someone to chat with even in the wee hours of the night.
Those people are gone from my life and I wish them the best, perhaps their grief has past. I sometimes wonder why people whom comforted us after our loss just go away, but they do. Many of the people that helped me through my early grief have just gone from my life. I grieve losing them; they really helped me through my darkest hours.
This time last year I was meeting my former SO in the place we first met, just about halfway geographically at the time. Memories I will never forget…..all good memories.
Fast forward to today, that is gone and I have a new SO, I love her and am hopeful for a future with her. We laugh, we cry, mostly we laugh, she is wonderful. My biggest concern is that while I am going to hit four years soon, she is a bit behind me time wise in her grief. I just think time will tell….but as widowed I think we are all hopeful….I am hopefull.
Ron
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