Did someone say road trip?

Oh I did. Hopefully the weather will cooperate and I can go. I will be more than annoyed if I can't go. It should be a fun weekend even if it is cold outside.

Good food and friendship. I can't wait.

Where is the real Ron and what did you to him?

I actually went to bed at a reasonable hour last night and apparently slept restfully. I recall coughing some but that is getting better too. I am starting to feel human again.

For those of you that have been very sick, you might relate to that feeling. I might add, it feels damned good to finally start feeling better!!!! So for those of you out there that are "sicky", I wish you speedy recoveries.

The weather here is supposed to be decent today and then turn to crap by the end of the week (as in sleet and snow) so today is the day for me to get things done.

One last thing: keep your eye on the economy. The world markets are in turmoil and with good reason, our economy is in trouble. I bailed out of my investments last week and retreated to high ground. I still think the elevator is going down, down, down. Is GW's token tax rebate going to send you to Target or Wal-mart to spend money? Didn't think so, what an effiing idiot.

My point is, I am no expert but I bailed into consertive investments because I am convinced that the next 12 to 18 months are going to be ugly and want to pass that worry to my friends. My plan is to ride to the bottom and then jump back in.

OK, one last funny/sad note I just saw on the news, some dumb ass posted an ad on "Craigs list" for a "hit man", alrighty then, just caught a few details but "she" is now wanted and I had to laugh because CL is such a joke anyway and now they let you search out "hitmen"???? WTF is wrong with this picture?

Only in America!!!!!

Happy trails

Ron

Have not had much to post.

I guess since I am feeling much better and can actually do things outside the cyber-world I stopped posting for a few days. Truthfully, I have been distracted too.

Perhaps one day I will write about that, but not now.

Hope anyone that happens to read this is healthy and had a good weekend.

Ron

Humor warms my heart.

I have always used humor to warm my heart. If I am down, it makes me laugh and if I am up, I just laugh more. I found the following joke and I am still laughing (hard to type and laugh). Here is the joke:

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do."Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money."You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

It's funny how little things can make us feel good.

My neighbor's daughter knocks on my door this morning around 7:30 in a panic. She was late for class and couldn't get the garage door down. I grab my coat and assure her it will be fine.

It was really a minor problem and I had the door down quickly (thankfully because it was cold). Anyway, she thanked me and sped away. It made me feel good to help someone.

I know it sounds a bit silly but I am fortunate that I pretty good at fixing mechanical problems and it feels good when friends, neighbors and relatives call on me when something is broken.

The trap of Anger

Your anger hurts you much more than it affects anyone else. When your energy and awareness are tightly wrapped around anger, you're not much good for anything else.

There are many things beyond your control that can be perfectly legitimate reasons for anger. Yet the amount of time you maintain that anger is completely up to you.

The more quickly you move on, the better off you'll be. When you feel the first sensation of anger, let that be a reminder to let it go.

Anger can be useful in calling your attention to matters that require your response. But anger itself is not an effective response.

Take a slow, deep breath and remind yourself of how much more effective you can be by maintaining a positive, results-oriented approach. Decide, in a cool, calm and thoughtful manner, exactly what response would be the most powerful and valuable, and then make it happen.

Don't let the foolish, thoughtless, destructive actions of others catch you in a trap of anger. Take note of the anger, let it go, put your focus on being your best, and you'll surely emerge as a winner.


--------------------------


I found this posted on the YWBB earlier today and it brought me immediate peace. I have been struggling with a situation that was frustrating and angering me. I need to keep the words in mind on a daily basis and it will certainly help me grow through life's setbacks.

"What the hell was I thinking?"

I did something today that I really regret. No details, I just wish I hadn't done it. I guess we learn from our mistakes and boy did I make one. I actually wrote it on my calender to remind of what a lapse is judgement can result in. Learn RON LEARN, DUH.

On another front, I exited the stock market for the most part. I simply wanted to stop the bleeding. I lost my ass last week and I do not see anything that leads me to have any faith in the next 12-18 months. We are going into a recession!!!!! I was in some solid funds and will likely buy them back when the market hits bottom. I think the DOW will drop below 10,000 in the next few months. It might get worse than that.

I am going to sit on the sidelines and wait and when the time is right, I will jump back in. It is going to get ugly folks.

I will probably write more on the subject but I hope you are all bracing for bad times, they are coming. The market cycles and the elevator is going down.

Naperville, IL

Carolina said...
Ron,You are so hot, sexy, strong, confident and modest. It's no wonder every widow wants a piece of you!Carolina
6:08 PM


This is getting tiresome "Carolina", you have posted under several names.
Since my blog is public, I will feel free to post what I know about you:


Domain Name comcast.net ? (Network) IP Address 67.184.37.# (Comcast Cable) ISP Comcast Cable Location
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North America
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United States .?a=stats&s=s26r1959&v=42&country=US&vlr=89&pg=1&r=77.?a=stats&s=s26r1959&v=42&country=US&vlr=89&pg=1&r=77(Facts)
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Illinois
City
:
Naperville
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41.7511, -88.1462 (Map)
Language English (U.S.)en-us Operating System Microsoft WinXP Browser Firefox Mozilla/5.0 (Windows; U; Windows NT 5.1; en-US; rv:1.8.1.11) Gecko/20071127 Firefox/2.0.0.11 Javascript version 1.5 Monitor
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Time of Visit Jan 21 2008 6:06:00 pm Last Page View Jan 21 2008 6:06:00 pm Visit Length 0 seconds Page Views 1 Referring URL http://www.ywbb.org/forums/showflat.php?Cat=0&Number=502224&an=0&page=0&gonew=1 Visit Entry Page http://hogsruleanddeathstinks.blogspot.com/ Visit Exit Page http://hogsruleanddeathstinks.blogspot.com/ Out Click Time Zone UTC-6:00 Visitor's Time Jan 21 2008 6:06:00 pm Visit Number 5,242

I am not going to delete your crap anymore, rather I will post it for all to see. I know you are a member of the YWBB because that is always where you come in from. If you don’t like my brand of humor, or threads I start then don’t read them.

Furthermore, Why do you read my blog?

Why do you leave comments under false names.

You mentioned in a comment that I deleted that you thought I was creepy, I must say that you are creepy. Please find someone else to bother.

If you have a beef with me, send me a PM, otherwise just go away.

My health, I am taking it back.

After last night’s adventure to the ER with this bronchitis, today I decided that once I am strong enough I will do everything I can to become healthier. I don’t mean just getting over being sick. I am (already have) been changing my lifestyle.


I have abused my body for way to many years. I have smoked for more years than I want to admit and after Carol died, I drank myself to numb the pain. I quit drinking a few months ago and that was surprisingly easy. I knew it was not the smartest thing but I did it anyway. At times, impaired, my behavior was just wrong and it hurt people I cared about. It just had to stop. I hope those I hurt will someday forgive me and realize how sorry I am. Can that happen? I just don’t know, but I hope so.


Anyway, that is no longer an issue for me. I still struggle with my addiction to nicotine. I still crave this vile substance. I am on the patch, which I guess is better than actually smoking, but it still sucks.


So I have eliminated alcohol and nicotine. Now I need to focus on nutrition and exercise. I am going to join a gym and hire a personal trainer (at least to start). I will do whatever the PT tells me, I hope they can also help me with nutrition. I am sure a good one will be able to help with that.

If anyone who reads this has any ideas or tips, PLEASE share, I could use all the help I can get.

Saturday evening in the ER

As some know, I am still fighting bronchitis. This morning when I woke up my chest felt tight, I blew it off as caused by coughing during the night. I took it easy but noticed just a lap around the house and I was having a hard time breathing.

I finally knew I was in trouble and had my neighbor drive me to the ER about 6:00 PM. After hours of needles, IV drugs, X-rays, EKGs, well you get the idea, they sent me home with prescriptions and instructions to follow up with my MD Monday.

I am not complaining, although I am sure it sounds like but I just cannot seem to shake this illness. What is most troublesome for me is that people die from this. I am not that old and am still told it kills people that have otherwise been healthy.

I just want to get well.

I deleted yesterday's post because.......

Someone left a comment saying it was creepy. The post was pretty general so I was and still am puzzled as to why anyone would say that.

Anyway, if you think I am creepy or what I write is creepy go find something else to do.

I would give anything...........

A fellow blogger has been chronicling her struggles as a single parent. I understand that must be a tall order. I sympathize with her plight.


During my marriage to Carol, my youngest stepson put us through hell. He was constantly in trouble at school and with the law. We stood together and dealt with him and his bad behavior. It took lots of patience but with some stiff discipline and counseling his behavior improved. It was a team effort and there were times when either one of us was at the end of our respective ropes, we had the other to lean on.


I would give anything to go back in time and do it all over again. In fact, there was a point after Carol’s death that I seriously contemplated doing it again. I do think that being a positive force in shaping kids is something that brings me personal satisfaction.


Perhaps one day, I will have that opportunity again.

Opinions please

It has been a long day and I am tired. First, the therapist then the memorial service for my friend Cecil. It just seemed to suck the life out of me. I was relieved that the funeral home chose an area far from where Carol’s service had been held, so I avoided that wing of the building.


Visit with therapist was hard but good. She started by asking "what is bothering you today?" The floodgates opened up, after all isn’t that I am there? She uses the metaphor that our lives are a series of bricks cemented together, some good, some not so much. They are all intertwined and part of who we are yada yada yada….. OK, I get that, so what is your point? Let me hammer out the bad bricks and replace them, purge them from my being. Seems it doesn’t work like, well that is just wrong.


Anyway we come to an agreement of sorts, at least for now. I can mess with "MY" blocks any effing way I please, OK now we are making progress, and I am getting my way. Not really, that is not the point, but I will look at them, stare at them, curse some of them, hate some of them, embrace some of them, cherish some. Wonder what the hell to do with a few. I want to break Humpty Dumpty’s ass and put him back together the way I want him to be. Wrong again!!!!


For now, some of her bricks bother me, so where do I go with that? Some of them bother me even more, now what? I have decided that a few get covered with signs that say "OUT OF ORDER" while a few others get a sign that says "UNDER CONSTRUCTION".


OK enough about me, I need opinions please. I was talking to some people at Cecil’s Memorial and our club had asked that "in lieu of flowers,contributions be made to our club", then after talking to members, I find out that Cecil’s widow couldn’t even afford to pay for his funeral. His kids chipped in to pay. Then I find out that a fund is set up for Cecil’s widow. (sidenote: our club has plenty of money).


I would rather help Cecil’s widow than my club (although there are rumors that whatever the club collects, they will donate it to Cecil’s widow). Should I donate directly to Cecil’s widow?
Just wondering what you would do?


Thanks,


Ron

Being widowed SUCKS

I am dreading Cecil's funeral tomorrow. It is the first funeral I will have attended since Carol's. To make matters worse, it will be held at the same funeral home. I just hate this.

My good friend Cecil died last night.

My good friend Cecil, the President of my flying club died last night. Cecil was an older gentleman and his large intestines burst and he was rushed to surgery late Friday night. Following the surgery, his organs started shutting down and he passed away around 9:30 last night.

One funny story about Cecil, last fall I had a friend passing through St. Louis and I took my friend and children to our field. The older child was hooked. I convinced my friend Matt to give him lessons, so Matt fired up his plane and out they go to the pilot’s box. I took the younger guy out to the picnic table behind the pilot’s box so he could watch his big brother. Meanwhile, my friend is taping the action with a camera. I might add that the older boy did very well flying Matt’s plane and I think they flew twice.

Keep in mind our club has some rules for safety reasons. Anyway, once the fun was over, we departed and the chatter about all the fun began.

A few days later I show up at the field and Cecil wants to chat. Let me rephrase that, he wanted to chew my ass. He asked why I had violated the safety protocols a few days before. I explained (between ass chewings) and he finally understood that we really had done nothing wrong and let it go. He was a feisty old guy, loved by all.

Cecil, I will miss you my friend. My thoughts and prayers are with Don (his son) and Danny (his Grandson) and all his family that I never met.

Memories

Today I was reflecting on different periods of my life. I was trying to recall the first memories as a child and at what age. Most of those memories really began at about age five. Mostly, I recalled the really good and the really bad, but I remember.

Fast forward to 1968 (age 8) to 1972 (age 12), my father was transferred to Redlands, CA. If memory serves me that was grades 4 through 8. In late 1972 we moved again, this time to Wichita, KS. I loved my school(s), friends, and the weather. I hated Wichita, the school sucked, the weather sucked, but I adapted.

I digress, back to those wonder years in southern California. I hated leaving there, I wrote to my best friends for years but that faded away as time moved on. I always wanted to visit someday.

This past summer, I had the good fortune to be close enough to do just that. It was an odd encounter with my past. I stopped at the house I had lived in; I walked the street recalling things I had done there over 30 years ago. I drove to the elementary school and then the Junior High I attended. It was surreal, and in many ways still is. I took lots of photos.

Just a snapshot of my life but still I remember. I will continue to move through periods of my life and just remember.

Feel free to share your memories.

Looks like I dodged a bullet

I had an ultrasound done this morning, they suspected gall stones. They scanned my kidneys, pancreas, liver, gall bladder and maybe a few other parts I forgot. I just got off the phone with my doctor and all my parts looked normal. No gall stones!!!! Looks like my plumbing is all in good shape.

Since I am still weak and sick after two rounds of antibiotics, the doctor thinks I have some kind of super virus. More bed rest, lots of fluids, and eat as much as I can. The nausea and diarrhea are gone so I should be able to gain back some of the weight I lost.

I will be grateful when I have my health back.

Sick of being sick

Had to cancel my appointment with the therapist today. Yesterday, after just a few bites of soup I felt sick to my stomach. Needless to say, I spent some time hugging the toilet, then comes the diarrhea .
I just returned from the doctor and lab. I feel like hell and it has been 26 hours since I have eaten. I am going to stick with water and broth for the time being. Hopefully getting some rest will help me get better.
I have got to heal from this string of illnesses. I have been sick now for an entire month and I am sick of being sick. Enough is enough.


Edited to add: My Doc called and it seems some of the lab results point towards gall stones. Elevated bile in the urine and liver enzymes are elevated too. More tests in the next few days. Ultrasound of the gall bladder and liver, what fun.

Guys and their feelings

I admit to being sad today, I miss my wife. Today would have been one of those days I would have surprised her by calling to tell her I would be sitting outside her work waiting to take her to her favorite lunch spot. I could do that because we owned rental properties in the city and my schedule allowed us that luxury. She never really knew when I would sneak up on her, but she loved it.

I also admit that I have a secret blog where I can write feeling, mostly of sadness, despair and a place where I mostly talk to her. It is my safe place. It is closed and private. It is like my bathroom, the door is closed when I use it.

I guess it's a guy thing. I read other blogs, mostly widows and many of them show their grief openly. I can do that to a degree, but I reserve my most painful thoughts for my private blog. I can go there and sometimes it brings me joy in reading the things I have written about my life with Carol and other times I just sit and cry for all that will never be. I guess I need that private place.

Today I am going to surprise Carol for lunch, if only in my memories.

So far I like Mike

Mike Huckabee that is. I cannot support Hillary because she has already been the prez once. Obama is a brilliant man but just doesn't have enough experience to run this country. Maybe next time around.

McCain switches sides more times than Dick Cheney shoots at his friends. I just don't know who should run the country, I do know that it is time for GW to GO. For now I like Mike.

We shall see.

Guilt

I feel guilt. I feel like I betrayed Carol. She died in September 2004. In February 2005, I met a widow online and we chatted and it was good for both of us.

We ended up meeting months later and it felt good. It was good, that lasted almost 2 and half years, but that guilt ate away. I tried not to let is show, but it stated to show.

Things began to decay, It broke me. I still feel that guilt.

Did I betray my wife? Did I just try to "replace" her? Did I hurt the other person?

I think the answer to all of the above is yes. Guilt, more guilt. I am so sorry for the things I have done. I have so much guilt, but I tried my best. Still feel guilt.

Nothing new until Monday

I thought I had done the right thing by sending my old x-rays to the hospital that rendered the ER services. It appears that the x-rays were read at "urgent care" saw something else. Now I must gather their x-rays and turn them in to radiology at the hospital I was last treated.

Very unsettling, but all I have at this point.

I wish I was not sick......but I am ....

There is a part of me that hopes and dreams that I am sick enough that I will join Carol soon. She treated me with such regard. One of the few that was honest with me. That was huge for me. I will likely need many more tests, but I really don’t want tests if I am really going to die anyway.
I am really OK dying, my problem is letting go of friends that have some problem with whatever I may have done when I was alive. That really bothers me, but nothing I can do about it.
So for anyone that has a problem with me, that is on you. I am at peace with my impending death. You must deal with the rest, just not my problem. Good luck with that.
Ron

Wishing everyone a Happy 2008

I want to wish everyone a Happy and prosperous 2008. 2007 was not such a hot year here for many reasons but I learned a few things along the way.

So here is to a great 2008 for all of us (raising my glass of Gator aid) CHEERS.

Can you tell I am feeling a little better?

Ron

Not sure who reads my blog but.......

I have been sick and still am, so I am taking a break. I feel like crap and need to recover. I am not really sure who reads my blog anyway but I really do feel crappy, so if you do enjoy what what I write, please check back in and comment if you want.

I just do not have the energy to post my mostly useless entries and need to nurse myself back to health, I am not sleeping well, I am just not sleeping so I think anything I might post might be even more useless than ever before. How is that for honesty?

Anyway, for the few who read, send me good vibes please, I just do not feel good but I will be back when I feel better. I do thank the kind words of support that I have received. I am just SO sicky and tired but do appreciate your support.


Ron